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Role of the Parties in Mediation

Come to mediation with an open mind

Recognize this is a decision-making process and you will make joint decisions, which could be different than you expect.

Try not to fixate on particular outcomes

- "my way or the highway" is not a good approach to finding workable solutions.

Listen

to the other party and don't barge in when they speak.

Express your point of view

your feelings, your wishes - don't say what the other party is thinking or feeling (let him/her speak for him/herself).

Speak as calmly and quietly as you can

Maintain a civil tongue - yelling and angry words may release some tension for you, but it is counterproductive for the process.

Be patient with the mediation process

- the process often has ups and downs and takes its time. Sometimes to get from A to B you and the other party may have to take a "side road" via C. Let the mediator guide the process, you will get there in time.

Remember your "better self"

- act as the person you consider yourself to be. If you are for example honorable, fair, decent - don't let fear and/or anger turn you into anything other than that - be yourself, honorable, fair and decent.

Try and focus on the future

- bringing up old grudges may give you an outlet for old anger, but what matters now is the present and the future.

Think creatively

You and the other person know best what would work for the two of you, you are likely to come up with the best solutions that work in the long term. So, don't be passive - participate actively.

You have an interest in the other party's satisfaction

If they feel poorly treated in mediation or pushed into a decision they don't like, chances are your agreement will not last. You want the outcomes to feel fair for both you and the other party.

Once the mediation ends, adhere to your side of the agreement

you made informed decisions. You and the other party own the decisions: They have to fulfill their part and you have to fulfill yours.

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